Went on my work trip, just feeling like absolute hell, my mind going to the worst places. Wondering why she, again, got totally shitty and robotic that last week and why she acted out that night. I didn’t get it. I never did anything wrong. I didn’t get it.
Got home from my work trip, tried to keep my mind off of Leah all weekend and then walked into work on Monday, which was December 22nd, right before Christmas break. I took a seat and said good morning to the girl who sits next to me, and she turned and looked at me with a “brace yourself” face. I stopped what I was doing.
“What?” I asked. It was more of a demand.
“Well…” she replied.
“Out with it.”
And she told me. I guess some coworkers all got together over the weekend to watch a football game and party. Leah was there. So was her other coworker ex, John. They were all over each other the whole night. And then ended up in one of the bedrooms until the morning, and then they left together.
Hearing this was like a Goddamned sledgehammer to the face. A sledgehammer of heartache but also of realization:
“I think I’ve figured it out though. She was so hesitant to have people at work know about us because then John would find out.
So, at the Christmas party, when everyone found out, I’m sure it got back to him. And I’m sure they talked about it and that’s why she was in a shitty mood that whole next week and distant. And then she was a stupid bitch that Saturday, and then a week later she’s back with him. Unbelievable.
And I completely fell for it all with her. She never loved me. I don’t even know what she thought of me. I hate her more than I’ve ever hated anyone. I really want to send her a message about how ridiculous she is, but it would just give her a reason to hate me. And up to this point, I’ve given her no reason. I should keep it that way. I stay the good guy, she can stay the asshole. “
That whole workday I was fuming. I truly had never felt rage or hatred like that in my entire life, up to that point. Fuming. Every negative emotion you could possibly name… I was feeling it. I knew I needed to confront Leah. To see if it’s true. To see what I meant to her. Was I just a plaything for her to keep her busy? To make John jealous?