She was absolutely shaking and nervous when we met up. I sat her down. And did all the talking. I told her I’ve taken the last day to think about it. And I realized that I couldn’t lose her, even though all this stuff was hard to swallow. And I told her it was because I loved her. Looking back, 11 years later… that was ridiculous and I didn’t even know what love was then, but in that moment I thought I felt it. That love was the only reason why hearing all this stuff didn’t make me all out run away.

She told me she loved me too, and we were back to good. It all still ate away at me every day, but for the time being I didn’t want to lose her. I thought I’d try and put up with my mind going crazy in quiet times just to keep her. That maybe that anger and jealousy would get better as time went on.

She let me know that we could go at the pace that I was comfortable with. That she knew I was a virgin and that we would only take it to the next level when I was ready. And wait we did.

And there was more, she said. Because I asked to hear everything, she also told me that all in all, she’d given blowjobs to 12 guys in high school. TWELVE GUYS?? That rocked me. I just didn’t even know what to say. Slept with three guys and sucked off 12, meanwhile before her I was sitting at fingering one other girl and was a virgin.

I felt sick to my stomach. I told her I needed to take a walk on my own and think about things.

I went back to my dorm and told my roomie about everything. He was a lot more nonchalant about it. He said that for a girl this cool, I shouldn’t let this stuff get in the way. But he didn’t understand how strong my jealousy issues were.

Stacy sent me a bunch of texts asking where I was, if I was ok, what I was thinking. I avoided her for the rest of that night and all the next day. That next night I texted her and asked her to meet me at the picnic table between our two dorm buildings. Looking back, I don’t exactly know why I said what I said when we met up… it just kind of happened.

A couple weeks later, after we’d been dating for about a month and a half, I had to tell her how much it was bothering me. My jealousy was overwhelming me and I didn’t know what to do. I dunno, I needed her to tell me about the three. I needed to know everything. And then when I had all the facts in front of me, I’d have to decide if I could handle it all or not.

So she told me. All three guys were just once each. One was a really good friend of hers and it was in the back seat of his car. That was her first time. The other two were with guys she knew from school and hooked up with at a party. So three one-night stands basically. Which is almost worse than three relationships. Ugh. It did not make me feel better.

We continued to hang out in groups a lot, as we were trying to get to know people at our new school. But now she’d be sitting on my lap or holding my hand and kissing me, letting everyone know we were together. The guys on my dorm floor patted me on the back and told me “good job” on getting a girl like that.

One night, about 2-3 weeks after we became a couple, she asked me if I was a virgin. And I was. She said she could just tell, but that it was ok. But then she told me that she’d slept with three guys in high school. Three guys?? Ugh. I instantly felt a bunch of jealousy.

I’d lie in bed at night and it would eat away at me. I’ve never slept with anyone, but she’d been with three. Just to imagine them touching her and feeling her like that. It drove me crazy. I’d shake my head and try and get those images out, but in quiet times they’d always come back. I hated it.

It was the first weekend in the dorms, with classes starting on Monday. My roomie had gone out drinking and wouldn’t be back to the dorms until the morning.

Stacy and I had just gotten back from hanging with a group and we went back to my dorm room. Finally alone.

And then it just happened. Standing in the middle of the room, we were holding each other close, and then I worked up the courage and finally kissed her. Passionately. I felt my legs shaking as I pressed her against my desk. Our hands explored, and she worked her hands down to my crotch and started rubbing.

I couldn’t believe this was happening. And so fast. She unbuttoned my pants, pulled me out and took me in her mouth. Much like the kissing, this was the second girl to ever perform oral sex on me.

I was sitting on the desk as she was working on me. When I couldn’t hold back anymore, I came in her mouth and she swallowed every drop. Licked me clean as I sat there trembling.

We got her pants off and we laid on the couch. My hands were between her legs, my fingers inside her. I did my best, but she didn’t have an orgasm. She said it was super hard to make her cum. After a little while, we stopped and cuddled up. And she spent the night in my bed… a small, twin sized bed. We held each other as close as possible all night.

The next morning I walked her back to her dorm. Outside the door I said, “So you’re my girlfriend now right?” And she was. I kissed her goodbye and floated on clouds back to my dorm room.

Fast forward a couple days. My roommate and I had hung out with Stacy and her roommate every day since we’d gotten there. I could kinda tell my roomie had a crush on her too, but one night laying in bed I told him about how I’ve had my eye on her since orientation, and he was quick to bow out and let me pursue her.

It was constant flirting every time I was around Stacy. Mostly me being sarcastic and funny and her laughing at everything I was throwing at her. But it had been 3-4 nights of hanging out as a group and we really hadn’t had alone time since that first day before the freshman gathering. So no, I hadn’t kissed her yet. I’d only kissed one other girl in my life, my high school girlfriend of seven months. So I really didn’t know how and when the right time was to make my move.

The day came. Mom and dad dropped off my stuff at school, hugged me goodbye, and I was officially on my own. I met my roommate and we walked to the first night’s freshman gathering.

And who was I to see on my way over? Stacy. Not planned. I hadn’t reached out to her yet. But there she was, standing by a bench with her new roommate, about to walk into the building. I got her attention and she immediately remembered me.

Everyone else went in, but we stayed out and talked. For a half hour. On the bench. I don’t even know what about. Nothing. School stuff. I dunno. Flirting. Mindless.

We figured we should head in and join the group. It was in a gymnasium with rafters and it was packed. We spotted a place to sit, but there was only room for one of us on one set of seats and room for one of us on the next one down. She sat in front of me.

The speaker was long and boring and you could see it on everyone’s faces. Cell phones were out and you could see some students whispering. Stacy turned around and rolled her eyes at me, showing me how bored she was. When she turned back around to face the speaker, for some reason I confidently raised my hands up and put them on her shoulders in front of me. She immediately reached up and took my hands in hers and rested them on her shoulders. She slid back to be closer to me, and I pressed my thighs on both sides of her and wrapped one arm softly around her neck, and she grabbed onto my arm with both hands. I’m 18 and I’m at freshman orientation and I’m cuddling up with a girl that I had only talked to for 30 minutes prior. Nothing like this has happened before.

I remember seeing her for the first time like it was yesterday. “Gorgeous,” I responded, to my dad saying, “She’s pretty, isn’t she?” And she was. Brown eyes, curly brown shoulder-length hair. Skinny noodle arms, jeans tight around her legs and ass. Big boobs but they appeared perky under a snug sky-blue shirt and white tanktop. Stacy. Her name was Stacy.

And I had an in. She worked a data entry job at the company my dad works for. Just a part time gig for her for a few hours after high school every day. But they knew each other by name, as he’d seen her in the office in the afternoons sometimes. I had never met her before and dad had no idea that she would be here, at the University of Iowa freshman orientation.

I said “Gorgeous,” as she was walking away. I had just gotten introduced to her. Moments earlier when she spotted my dad she said, “Mr. King!” as she walked briskly over to us. But now she was walking away.

When I got home from orientation I logged onto my U of I email and looked her up. Sent her a little follow-up note. She replied with her phone number and said to say hey in two months when we move into the dorms and start our freshman year.

Preface

“The 13 women I’ve slept with.” I feel like most guys could rattle off their relationships and one-night stands in a couple paragraphs. “Yeah so I dated her for two years. I dunno. Sex was good but she annoyed me.” “Yeah I took this chick home last night. Banged her. Sent her home in an Uber cab.”

My stories just aren’t like that. I remember such intricate details from each of the 13. And when you put them all together, they really aren’t individual stories at all. It is one giant story of an innocent boy who turns into a “man,” in his own way.

You’ll see that each relationship is a step on a staircase. What the staircase ultimately leads to? I’m still finding that out. But where I’m standing today… 13 steps up… let’s just say I have it pretty figured out.

As you take these 13 steps with me, you’ll see me evolve. From where I was as a clueless, 18-year-old college freshman virgin, to, well, what I am today.